Ok, so if you're reading this, you've probably clicked a link off of my Facebook.

If you've never been here before, this is my blog: Asklater. I've had it for four years. In it's hayday it was hot spot for blogging and socializing with my friends. And then it was abandoned as the inhabitants of my livejournal community migrated to Facebook.

Last year, when I started obsessing and worrying about college and my future, I decided to start writing again. When I moved to Orlando and began a new life there, I started updating Asklater pretty regularly, just for a handful of friends to keep up with me. The more I wrote however, the more I wanted a blog that I could show to everybody.

So here it is! If you have a burning desire to know what's going on in my life and in my head (and oh BOY I know you do), you can visit this site. I update about once or twice a week!

This semester has been crazy and new and cool and I had a lot to write about, and you're welcome to go back and read it. But I must warn you, it is full of self pity, anxiety, over analysis of mundane life experiences, and overall self centeredness.

I update when I've done something interesting or I have a lot on my mind. If you actually want to keep up with this, I encourage you to get an account and COMMENT. If you choose not to keep up with this blog, realizing that it consists only of insecure and not always coherent rants from a slightly maladjusted kid, then I'm ok with that. More power to you.

My suggestion is to start out reading "Post Event Report," two blogs down.

Some of my blogs are private, so you'll have to get an LJ and befriend me first!

It may possibly be from 30 hours of living alone. That may be why I am going insane right now. It's like when I live alone, the whole apartment becomes an outer representation of my mind. So without thinking, I express any emotion that runs through my head I talk to myself, sing when I'm happy, mope when I'm sad! I need other human presence to keep my psychotic behavior in check! My emotions just go out of control!

I just feel uncertain, depressed, sad. I feel so awful for James. I just don't get how all this happens to one person. I didn't do anything to deserve all the good fortune I get. I'm so lucky and I have a friend who deserves just as much as me but gets nothing. I just have to trust that the Lord has grand plans for what he's given both of us.

The uncertainty part of my emotions just comes from...well, I don't know where. Possibly my low self image, my desperate need for attention, my desire to express my emotions to PEOPLE instead of an online journal. And I know if I did express all the crazy, irrational emotions to the people here, they would listen. But I just don't have the confidence and assurance to do that, and so I remain emotionally constipated!

I just need a Magic Eight Ball right now. I want to see how it all turns out. My new friendships, my career, my future.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Something I want to truly believe and live out.

So...I've done it. I've gotten through my first semester on my own, with nothing to support me but the thousands of dollars from my parents.

I will be here for three more days and then I am back home. I'm glad to say this semester was a success.

I kept worrying, over the course of this semester, that I would make the same mistakes that I made when I moved to Niceville. But thankfully, I'm older, more mature. Certainly not THAT mature, but more mature than 13/14 year old me. I've tried my best this semester to be observant, kind, and open. I haven't succeeded in all those areas all the time though. I'm still incredibly shy when I'm out of my element. I can be standoffish without realizing it. I can access my melancholy and find it hard to climb out. I get lost in thought and over-analysis. But I think I've grown and become a friendly, slightly more personable person.

Boy was I afraid of moving here. The thought of making any good friends in the course of a month or two seemed staggering and impossible. It took me a year to grow close to anybody in Niceville, and another couple years to really, really know them. And I'm certainly not at that stage with the friends I've made in Orlando. But God placed people in my life who genuinely enjoy my presence, or at least fake it well. I never would have thought I would have found friends to live with. The stuff that happened with my current roommates was unfortunate, but God really used that situation for good. It was so...I don't know, awe inspiring to see God answers my prayers so obviously and specifically. He's given me all I've asked for, and continues to work His will in my life.

I was also scared for my spiritual life. There are so many horror stories that youth are fed by their leaders. "Odds are you'll fall away." "If you haven't been steady in the Bible at least a year before take off, you will fall, and hit rock bottom."

But thankfully, God has used Orlando to wake me up. He's placed circumstances and people in my life who won't let me sit stagnant in my walk with the Lord.

This semester has shown me just how emotional I can be. Just go back and read my blogs starting from late August. I was lonely. I was going insane, tearing up in grocery stores for no reason. In fact, I almost always tear up in grocery stores now. I've become psychologically whacked. But my insane mood swings have really shown me to rely on God. The Psalms were just as emotional as I was.

So...what does next semester look like for me? It's going to be fun, full of intrigue and new growth. It's still going to be a little difficult. I haven't completely found my niche here. I still feel new and awkward sometimes. I love the people I have befriended here, but I still have a lot more to learn about all of them. I have yet to get into a fight with anybody I've met here. I have a grim feeling I have that to look forward to next semester.

God is great, things are looking up, and I give you this gift.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVCzqFLc4lM